i’ve been hiding in my basement, rarely speaking unless spoken to, not eating, just laying here trying not to start crying again. this is the second day and i still don’t really want to see him or talk to him. i’m just too hurt. i started cutting again last night. i couldn’t help it; it stopped me from crying myself to sleep again. i hate the lack of control i have. i hate that i can’t be stronger. i hate that i’ve been thinking of just running away again. just working up enough money to run back to mississauga and hiding there. not letting anyone know exactly where i am. seeing bela again and craig and having the baby there. they would love that. having me there with the baby. craig would help me any way he possibly could, i know he would. i can’t do that though. i’m not allowed to just run away from my problems anymore, no matter how much i want to. i have to stay here and try to finish school and stay with calvin. despite how much he makes me cry now.
on a side note after the baby is born i’m getting a butterfly tattoo outline on my left wrist with the baby’s name under it. when the baby’s born i’ll finally stop cutting for good.
